When to Wear a Helmet

When my kids were small, one day John and I took them for a big bike ride on the Silver Comet trail. It was more than a bit ambitious. We parked in a spot where in order to access the trail, we had to start by going down a big hill - and likewise, we had to return by going up it. The kids were young and just getting really confident on bikes. The day was blistering hot. As a mom, I was anxious. We strapped on helmets and talked through our plan of how to master this "mountain" ahead of us.

The day didn't go as smoothly as it should have for some obvious reasons, but we tried out best. Finally, after some time riding, navigating other bikes, walkers, runners, and dogs - and trying to manage everyone's happiness and safety, we had all hit the wall. We were ready to go back. But at the end of the trail, we faced this anticipated big climb.

John thought we were behind him and started up the hill. The kids were dripping sweat and starting to complain. Neither of them, nor I, could make it up this hill on our bikes. I'd had enough. I pulled to the side with the kids, had them remove their helmets, and hang them on their handlebars. Then we started the long walk pushing our bikes uphill.

Now here is where things get really ridiculous. Two grown men riding slowly downhill on their bikes, who had us in their vision for only a very short moment, decided they had an opinion on this matter. I will never forget starting to overhear them talking - then realizing they were talking to me, about me. One man, full of disgust, spat at me, "Your kids should be wearing helmets while biking!"

The pressed down frustration and anxiety of the day spilled over. The heat and the exhaustion did the same. Furious, I indicated the helmets on their handles. "We've been wearing them all day!" I said. "And as you can see, we aren't biking now. We are walking." The man said, "I don't see anything!" Then they gained speed and went on their way.

This all happened as the men had slowly continued towards us and past us, in just a few seconds. All these years later, I had completely forgotten about it, until a recent walk around a park not near my home. I had forgotten my headphones, so I was just enjoying nature and leaving my brain time to think. Watching several families on the path with bikes, the story came unbidden to my mind.

I was surprised at how visceral a reaction I still had - that a stranger, with zero context of my story, had found himself not only an expert - but also feel compelled to insult my parenting as he literally passed me. I recognized I had reached my limit that day, and was trying my best to protect my children, and felt way more tender about it than I might have in other circumstances. What I needed at the time was maybe a kind word or a helping hand - which this stranger was of course not willing to offer. And I was mad, because I have always been the rule follower big time on helmets - I once worked part time at a hospital and heard about the death of a young girl from a bike accident with no helmet. It has always terrified me since. Everything was wrong with this interaction.

As I reprocessed that story I felt myself being gentle with myself, understanding more about my response at the time. And - I thought how often we all make judgement calls about others, assuming the worst about them as we pedal by with our own lives, without being willing for even a moment to observe, ask questions, or offer to help. We often are at fault for not seeing the whole story [of course we don't know the whole story!] - but also for not caring to know it. Our propensity for social media has only made this worse - we can use cyber-courage to comment on someone's life without ever having to look them in the eyes. These are circumstances that often bring out the worst in us, and reduce the responsibility and gift of relationship with others.

There are absolutely times we need to wear our helmets - I recommend them wholeheartedly for biking - and metaphorically for life. But there are also times when we are tired, hot, and hurting when we need safe places to remove our helmets. In those times, we may see a daunting mountain ahead, requiring us to push our burdens up the long climb. Those are moments where we may need to look down at the path just below us so we can maneuver our feet one step at a time. In those moments, we don't need people's opinions as they ride downhill in the opposite direction. We need people to walk beside us and help us push, reminding us our helmets are close again when the path smooths out, and helping us to get to the top of the hill.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

John 13:34