Waves

I have some somewhat serious fears of water. I get really anxious underwater. I don't want to step on anything I can't see at the lake. I'm never going to be a diver. I like to be near the water - but not IN the water.

Some years ago, I was on a trip to Disney with my family and some close friends. We went to Typhoon Lagoon, one of the Disney waterparks. We were all spread out in the giant wave pool, enjoying the ebb and flow of the water, but unlike other wave pools, this one seemed rather stronger than I remembered. Suddenly I heard an enormous foghorn and everyone started getting excited. I looked out to the far end of the pool where I saw the waves start to generate. Pretty quickly, they seemed to be a lot bigger than any waves I'd ever seen before. I slowly started to move back in the pool. I was in the shallow end. It would settle down by the time it got to me, right?

There came a moment that I realized that the waves heading toward me were not your average wave pool waves, gently rising floats, people taking a little hop to bounce above them. And remember - I am way out - probably 2/3 from the depths toward the shallow area. I can remember this moment like it is happening now. I felt pure fear. I turned and decided to try and run out of the pool, or at least to more shallow ground.

I was hit smack dab in the middle of my back, with the wave going way over my head. It knocked the air straight out of. me. I have a distinct memory of watching my sunglasses float right off my face and away from me. Somehow I managed to stay fairly upright, but I am not sure how. It was seconds, but it felt like much, much longer.

I came up gasping for air and to a general scene of chaos. I was trying to find my family and friends, my sunglasses, my breath - when another wave came. This one knocked me backwards and onto the rough bottom. I was smacked in the face full on with water. I was not prepared.

Winded, the water subsided. My daughter found me and we were all around asking who was okay. A stranger found my sunglasses. I felt embarrassed, scared, and kind of angry. I was anxious to make sure everyone in our party was safe. This was NOT normal. I couldn't believe people didn't drown every day.

More than anything, it was the shock and surprise. I thought I was in a safe area. I thought I could ride the waves. I thought the oncoming hit would be gentle, rocking and rolling. I guess the name "Typhoon Lagoon" should have prepared me for something different but I underestimated.

I recognize that anyone watching that day might have experienced this very differently. They may have felt more comfortable in the water, knew what to expect, or had a spirit of adventure I didn't possess. But for me - it was truly a frightening moment that literally left me with nightmares.

Have you ever found yourself in waves beyond your reckoning? Maybe even something that for someone else might have been more manageable, but in your time and place it was really hard? Or maybe it truly felt like you'd been on a sunny day with friends when you were hit with an unexpected typhoon?

In Mark 4:35-41, the disciples find themselves in a storm. Mark calls it a "furious squall." While it rages on, we are told Jesus was asleep on a cushion. The disciples cry out in frustration, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

The story is familiar to many of us, so we know that Jesus calms the storm, rebukes the waves. But I want to pause on the question of those near him - "don't you care if we drown?" In the midst of the waves, most of us call out in fear. We want help. We can't believe no one is listening to us, advocating for us, lending a hand to us. And yet - the question here is not for help. They don't ask, "Teacher, would you help us?" They instead imagine Jesus doesn't even care if they drown.

Too often, religion tells us how we disappoint, how we sin, how we fail. We are left with the fear that God doesn't care for us at all. This is the opposite of true. Over and over again, we are told about the deep and unconditional love of God. But somehow it is hard to accept. It is hard to grasp that we - just as we are - are beloved by God.

Teacher, don't you care if we drown?

The answer is yes. Passionately.

If you have been hit in the square of your back by unexpected waves, there is no mistaking being winded, gasping for air, feeling alone, feeling scared. As soon as you are able, take a deep, deep breath. Then start to look around. What I hope beyond measure is that as the waters splash over you, you'll find those you love looking for you. You'll find kind strangers. You'll receive acts of kindness.

When you are drowning, may they reach for you.

When you are overwhelmed, may they sit with you.

When you forget you are beloved, may they remind you.

And if you don't see them - find me. I'll help you find them. It would be an honor to meet you in the waves.